brebutterfly

So, I’m now officially home working here from my house full time. It has been a really cool experience so far, but also pretty terrifying. I mean wow, it’s doesn’t matter how much time I put into this as much as it matters how well I do at it. There is no garuntee that says, if you get up and sit at your desk for 6 hours a day you will make the equivilant of that on a weekly basis. Nope. This is all about meeting people, promoting my buisness. It’s going well so far, don’t get me wrong, but the first time I am holding a big check in my hands I will feel MUCH better. I am well on my way there. I am so thankful that I found such an amazing opportunity. Being able to be home and set my schedule around my family is improving my relationships and giving me time to go to the gym several times a week. Here’s crossing my fingers and working this really, really hard.

About the going to the gym part. Oh yeah, I’m still going. I stayed home yesterday because I was soooo sore. I worked my back muscules really hard the day before. I can already see a difference in the way that my clothing is fitting and although I initially went up about 4 pounds I am now 1 pound down from the starting point. I’m so excited about that. I plan to go to the gym and run on the eliptical again today… there is something so zen about that motion, about closing your eyes and running toward a goal. It’s like all the sweat pours all of the tension out of your body and pretty soon it is just this rhythm, the motion, telling you over and over that you can make it to the point in life where you want to be.

Well, it’s about time for me to get back to work and then off to the gym not long after. Thanks for reading and please share any thoughts or pointers you may have.

So, the last five months have taken me through so REALLY rough stuff in life. Along the way there were also wonderful moments and a winter full of holidays and feasting with friends. I ended up dealing with extreme exhaustion and what turned out to low vitamin D. I also found out my cholesterol is REALLY, REALLY high. Oh boy. So, it all came to a head (with several other things that have been going on) yesterday morning. I walked out of my job. Well, actually I went in early to announce that there is simply no other way for me to deal with my health and all of the stuff that is going on behind the scenes there. Today I feel a lot lighter, at heart at least.

I didn’t gain much weight back over the winter… possibly a few pounds but that is it. So, I now am at 252 pounds. This isn’t the worst news in the world though. I started going to the gym and running on the eliptical yesterday.  I’m now working from home marketing a company that sells organic house cleaning products, make up, vitamins, etc. So, I’m going to be able to go to the gym almost everyday. It’s going to be part of my routine. Thankfully this should help me get both my weight and my cholesterol under control.

I’m really excited for this new change in my life. I plan to cook all of my food at home (no more fast food what-so-ever) and eat whole foods. Also, I’m cutting out wheat since I’ve found I tend to have digestive troubles when I eat it much.

So, please follow along with me and give me any feed back that you have on what’s going on  and I’ll keep you posted on what’s new with me.

Oh yeah, it’s that time again. I’ve let the fitness goals go and now it’s time to start. Thankfully, I am not starting over from the beginning again. Finally life has settled a little and I’ve developed the resolve to stick with this even when life fights me all the way. I decided not to post right away when I started going back. Oh man, is it hard to go some days, but on those days now I go knowing my mood will lift after about 15 minutes of excercise. I know that I will sleep well since I will experience physical exhausting. I know I will be too tired to freak out about much, cause frankly panic attacks take energy… and after running on an eliptical and biking for miles and miles, I simply haven’t got any energy left. Somedays I get frustrated that I am not seeing the pounds go down any faster. I can see my body changing sometimes, though at others I’m pretty sure that all of the changes are just in my head. But they aren’t other people see them too. In any case this is me starting again. Four pounds and an inch and a half off of my waist in the last two weeks. Now to just keep going.

Well, about a pound per day. I can’t wait to get onto the scale tomorrow morning. I have been doing so well. I quit wheat finally. I just made the decision and quit. This means way way more veggies and fruit and protein. Sadly pasta and rice, being cheap and easy foods, had taken over my diet. Day one of no wheat: Stomache gives the ultimate “f you” and decided not to hold onto a single bite that I eat. Okay, fine. Day two: Blood sugar drops a little between meals and snacks and I am STARVING by the time it is time to eat again. Day three: Less hungry but blood sugar gets so low I am all trembly a lot today. Well, it’s a work in progress. I called my Mama today, and got some advice on dealing with hypoglycemia. Basically this is it. More protein, less carbs and only complex ones at that, lots of veggies, a little fruit and a moderate amount of healthy fats. Okay, I think I can do that.

I have been to the gym twice now since I started back. I’m feeling great about it, even if the trips were a week apart. It takes a bit to get back into the habit. I have recruited three people to join my gym in that time which is awesome. Because if I am meeting someone there I would rather die than back out… I hate people thinking I am lazy or fat and that is always my fear. It may not be completely healthy mentally but I will adress that more once the gym is a habit and I am taking my PHYSICAL health seriously. I am very excited to go into the gym again tomorrow morning. I went with my roommate tonight and tomorrow I am going with a work mate who will be signing up. it was so cool today, I walked by the mirror on the way to the shower in a (gasp) swimsuit. I realised this. I have lost a LOT of weight so far. I also realised that my biggest baddest complaint (which most people probably don’t notice that much) is improving. You see, no matter what I’ve always had a decent rear. Well, a couple of years ago I noticed it was getting a little saggy looking IN THE MIDDLE!!! WHAT?!? WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN??? Well, today I realised that while it isn’t back to it’s teenage perkiness quite yet, it is making a dramatic comeback already! WOOO HOOO!!! I also noticed that my legs have a somewhat defined line in the muscule all the way up my thigh, and when I stand up strait my rear is round, and my tummy is hardly noticable (when I am clothed) and well I look better in a bathing suit (still not great) than I have looked in 5 years. This in and of itself is a huge success. YAY! Anyway, I have to be downtown at the gym in just over 9 hours so I guess I better get ready to turn in. Have a good night all, and please, share your advice and struggles and success stories with me! I know there are more people than me out there trying to reclaim their health.

Hey y’all. So, have you ever gotten to that unbreakable plateau in your wieght loss and pretty soon you are looking at what was once a “great accomplishment” and seeing how little of the big picture it is. I have been feeling like that a lot lately. I lost somewhere around 30 to 35 pounds in the last year, depending on the day. When you look at the recommended amount of one to two pounds a week I “should have” lost 50 to 100 pounds. I was feeling really, really discouraged. So picking up my still chubby rear, I went shopping for “skinny food” today, beans, chicken, some seeds, low fat dairy and lots and lots of produce. So, I found great sales and loaded up on the fruits and veggies… I went to leave the store and realized that I had about 35 pounds of groceries to take home, ON THE BUS. I have to say that 35 pounds is a LOT of weight. Sure, I could have lost more, but 35 pounds is a huge accomplishment. The few minutes of carrying that extra weight made my back hurt and made me out of breath. I even ripped the handles off of one of my reusable totes! Thirty-five pounds is a huge amount of weight. That was a pretty easy year as far as weight loss too. I splurged whenever I felt I really needed to and some times I didn’t even try to lose weight. Even at that lazy easy pace I would be down to a healthy weight in just over two years. That would have me healthy by the move to Hawaii, which would be great since I will be needing to cover up a LOT less. If I can put in a little extra effort though, say get to the gym an average of 3 times a week over the year and not less than once a week, and cut out refined carbs and wheat (allergies on that one) I should be able to get down to my goal by Christmas 2011. I can’t imagine how much more energetic I would be. :) Well, time to go finish off the pot of vegetarian chilli simmering in the kitchen.

So, I finally broke down thru the 240 mark. Barely, but I am now down to 238. I have been trying to take extra little steps to get things moving in the right direction. Things like dancing while I shower and get ready in the morning, getting off of the bus a mile from home instead of a block, and not eating after work if I close at the store.  I have noticed mostly that I can walk longer with out getting winded and that my regular pace has picked up some. I am planning on going to the gym in a little while, so it wil be nice to see that start kicking in. Hope it keeps moving in a possitive direction. btw 238 feels pretty awesome when you realise that it means you’ve lost 35 pounds.

Well, life has been crazy. I haven’t lost anymore weight… sorta hovered right around the 240 mark… down sometimes up sometimes but always right about there. I have been working with absolutely no rhyme or reason to my schedule (and boy does that make you tired.) My relationship has also been through a few pretty rocky moments in the past few months as my emotions have been a bit crazy. Now my body is acting down right stupid, namely I am more than a week late for my period. Stupid. Anyway, I have health insurence now, or more realisitically I will in two days. So, hopefully sometime this summer I will get into a doctor and get checked for the few things that run in my family, wilsons syndrome, hoshymotos disease, protein s deficiency, and get my pcos evaluated. Then see where to go from there as far as getting my weight under control. I need to get back at it but I am also smart enough to know I am gonna need some help. Hopefully the recent roundness of my belly is nothing more than a little preperiod bloat. Anyway, I think I am also going to be going off of all of wheat soon as well for my health. We’ll see how that’s gonna go.

So, I don’t have the time to make a full post but here is the news. I am dropping weight slowly, but the inches are falling off. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to continue with boot camp at the gym, since I crashed my car the morning after I started boot camp. However I am walking and biking a lot, taking the bus too, but I am getting a lot more activity in than I used to. My hips are now down to 46.5 my belly is going down and my waist but not as quickly. I am into my size 18 pants. They are a little snug but they look good and feel good. YAY!

Okay, so I am back a week later. SInce my appointment I have discontinued use of hormonal birth control. For one, the estrogen, besides being a huge risk to me because of the protein s deficiency is also known to make fibroid tumors grow. I am relatively sure that is what the problem is. I however had a really bad week as far as my eating. It was payday friday and I have eaten fast food several times while I was running around getting things taken care of. I also made a bunch of gourmet cupcakes (yes I am the CUPCAKE QUEEN) for a friends birthday party. While making them I ate a whole bunch of the filling and frosting. Then the next day I drank a lot at the party, I mean a LOT. And while drinking I snacked on chips and dip and even a cupcake, as well as some chinese food. Then over the last two days I have eaten lots of processed and salty foods. I am now back up to 246. I am puffy in the face and my fingers are stiff from holding water and I am sure that my fat % is going up again too. It’s totally time to get back on the wagon here. Well I haven’t done my measurements yet, mostly cause I don’t want to see them going backwards… but it is time… so here I go…

STATS:

Dates:       1/28/10     2/9/10     1/28-2/9     2/2-2/9

size:               20              20                20                   20

weight:        248            246              -2                     +3

bust:             52           50.25          -1.75                  —

ribs:           41.25          41                  -.25                 —

waist:           41              40                    -1                   —

pooch:       51.5          49.5                 -2                   -2

butt:             49             48                    -1                -.75

thigh:      27.75           27                 -.75               -.5

arm:          17.5          17.5                  —                 —

calf:           18.5           18.5                  —              +.25

neck:      14.75         14.25                  -.5              -.25

BMI:         41.3            40.9                   -.4             +.5

total in: 313.25        306                 -7.25          -3.25

I should have saved me body fat calculator. I can’t find the same one and now I can’t even find on that spit out even similar numbers. Most of them tell me that I am only at like 30% body fat. I know this is not true my % is much higher than that at this point. Anyway… I have to leave for work in an hour so it’s time to get back to life… Overall though as bad as I have been this week I am very excited that I lost another 3.25 inches… now I can’t wait to see what will happen when I give it my all.

What is growing inside of me? This I don’t know yet, though I am guessing I soon will. Tomorrow is my Gyno appointment. This is rather terrifying at the moment, as I am one of those plucky people who would rather not think about the problems. It is much harder not to think about the problems when you actually know about them though. I suppose then, it would be too late to ignore that SOMETHING is growing rapidly inside of me. for anyone who has been reading my earlier posts, well, you would know I am losing weight rapidly. This is NOT a case of a fat girl looking for excuses of why she is getting fatter. I have lost another 4 pounds in the last4 days.  As of this morning I am now under 240. That is pretty exciting for me.  I have lost another 1/2 off of my rear, and a quarter inch off of my waist in the last four days. And yet, the low belly has gone UP a half an inch. No, I am not full of PMS bloat… completely wrong time. The cramping and fluttering and tapping are driving me nuts, as is the hard and now round belly that perches itself proudly on my thighs when I sit down.

Sadly, I do not even know what to hope they find out tomorrow. I really don’t. For one second I hope it is just another tumor. Afterall, I have had them before and I know I can live through that. I even found some herbs online that should shrink the tumors. Or, cysts… they wouldn’t be too life changing. I mean they could effect my fertility in the long run but hey… Then again the normal course of prevention (hormonal birth control) is a deadly risk for me to take seeing that I have a protein s deficiency. *sigh* Then there is the possibility that I messed up the pregnancy test or took it too early. But, I just don’t see that. It would explain a few things though. But I am so not ready for that, on so many levels. I know what a pregnancy this early in a relationship can do to a couple, worse yet I know what a miscarriage can. Plus, there would be shots, at least once a day of blood thinners, and a high chance of bedresst. I don’t want anyone else to have to take care of me. As much as that would be the option that would mean I had as little health stuff “wrong” that would be the most difficult to deal with. Honesstly, my guess is the tumor. It has been getting gradually bigger (less gradually now) and doesn’t seem to change from week to week the way cysts always did. The only thing is that, if it were a tumor I would be expected to bleed more. I don’t. I barely spot mostly.

I suppose thinking it over won’t do me any good. I should try to turn in and get a good nights sleep before have to get up and go deal with this “for real” and not just running it through my head.

Well, good night all and I will post when I know a little more.